Post by Phantom~*DS*~ on Jan 28, 2007 13:46:58 GMT -8
Remember those Bud Lite "Real Men of Genius" ads you used to hear on the radio? Well now some bright individual on another forum I go to has typed up a small collection of similar "ads" for BF2, as well as an audio version of one of them.
Bud Lite presents... Real BF2 Men of Genius
(Real BF2 Men of Genius)
Today we salute you, Mr. Jet Bomb Explosion Teamkiller.
(Mister Jet Bomb Explosion Teamkiller!)
Before we're about to capture the enemy flag, you heroically dive in and defecate your bombs all over us, killing us in a fiery explosion that only you and the opposing team can celebrate as a victory.
(Just got twelve more kills!)
Mistaking the blue dots on the mini-map as some sort of indication as where your deadly explosions are urgently needed, you will do whatever it takes to get the kill.
(Bombs away!)
Red nametags, blue nametags... to a seasoned bomber pilot like yourself, it doesn't matter.
(Sorry, my bad!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Lite, oh Champion of the TK Punish. And remember... if you're too close to see what team they're on, it's too late to drop your ordnance.
(Mister Jet Bomb Explosion Teamkiller!)
Bud Lite presents... Real BF2 Men of Genius
(Real BF2 Men of Genius)
Today we salute you, Mr. Battlefield 2 Medic Guy
(Mr. Battlefield 2 Medic Guy)
Some men run away from the firefight when their friends hit the dirt... you charge into the fray, dodging snipers, diving down and reviving the fallen with your shock paddles.
(You make me good to go!)
Nothing says "Here, fix that gaping, bloody head wound yourself, pussy," like a well-tossed med pack under heavy enemy PKM fire.
(Can I get a medic over here?)
You're the only class in Battlefield 2 that can tea-bag your buddy, revive them, watch them get killed, and then tea-bag them again for good measure.
(Get your balls off of my face please!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, o' death-dealing doctor of the combat zone. We'll clear the way of claymores in the TV station stairwell so long as you and your life-bringing shock paddles got our back.
(Mr. Battlefield 2 Medic Guy!)
Click here for audio version!
Bud Lite presents... Real BF2 Men of Genius
(Real BF2 Men of Genius)
Today we salute you, Mr. Helicopter-Flying Commander.
(Mr. Helicopter-Flying Commander!)
We count on you for your superior leadership and direction in order to win the battle, but you're too busy uselessly flying a damned helicopter to waste time doing any of that.
(I need these supply crates to repair my chopper!)
Could we trouble you for a UAV on this enemy flag? Or how about an artillery strike to soften up the defenses before we storm the base? No, you're using all your rockets on that lone sniper off in the corner of the map.
(Got to get that lousy clay-whore!)
And just as someone shoots you down, you die in the flaming Apache wreckage, and we think we're about to finally receive our orders, you teamkill the two guys waiting for the chopper to respawn and leave us instruction-less again.
(Yes, that chopper had MY name on it!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Lite, oh Admiral of Asshattery. Because no one can do a better job commanding than someone who never lets the commander screen get in the way of his cockpit view.
(Mr. Helicopter-Flying Commander!)
Bud Lite presents... Real BF2 Men of Genius
(Real BF2 Men of Genius)
Today we salute you, Mr. Spawnraping Statwhore Guy
(Mr. Spawnraping Statwhore Guy)
While we're busy capturing flags and defending our bases, you charge across the battlefield to cut down the enemy at their uncap before they can even move.
(Stop running all around!)
Why earn points one at a time the hard way, when you can earn dozens of points simultaneously by bombing the entire enemy force to holy hell as they spawn in?
(Can't let them get to that F-35!)
Nothing says "I guess you should have held some other flags to spawn at" like a well-aimed tank round right in the cockpit of an escaping Blackhawk.
(BOOYAH, just got my Expert Armor badge!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Prince of the Pointwhores. Because we all know your precious Kill-Death Ratio is inversely proportional to the size of your sack, and you're teabagging us with a pair of Cocoa Puffs.
(Mr. Spawnraping Statwhore Guy)
Bud Lite presents... Real BF2 Men of Genius
Real BF2 Men of Genius
Today we salute you, Mr. Jihad Jeep Driver.
(Mister Jihad Jeep Driver!)
Alot of people don't understand you but you still grab that first jeep in the round and pack your precious charges on the front grill and zoom away leaving your teammates behind.
(Please give me a ride!)
Up in the distance, you see the enemy tank coming towards your base. You break out your apocalyse now music and hit the gas; full speed ahead!
(Here I come to get me some!)
With a loud, thundering clud, you ram your 4 wheel drive steed into the side of that tank only to find your vehicle didn't explode and he secondary fires you to death.
(Son of a b8&*h!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Lite, oh Scourge of the battlefield. And remember... your teammates are not serious when asking for that ride and if they get in, it is just their own da*n fault when they die with you.
(Mister Jihad Jeep Driver!)
(Some guy on the forum was being a dick so he wrote up these next two for him)
Bud Lite presents... Real BF2 Men of Genius
(Real BF2 Men of Genius)
Today we salute you, Mr. Unsolicited Forum Criticism Giver!
(Mr. Unsolicited Forum Criticism Giver)
While most people are laughing at my witty commercial parodies, you can't help but try to find a way to piss in my Cheerios, because you can't stand not getting attention.
(Why does my cereal taste like pee?!)
If someone asks for your feedback, you remain silent. If no feedback is requested, you whip out your huge e-penis and bang it against your keyboard until you type out some whiny complaint that no one asked for.
(Oh no, I got it stuck between the keys!)
Nothing says "You're always wrong, and I'm always right!" like taking pot shots from the cheap seats.
(You have been owned!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Crusader of the Internet Forums. Because if you have nothing nice to say, you'll go ahead and say it anyway.
(Mr. Unsolicited Forum Criticism Giver)
Bud Lite Presents Real BF2 Men of Genius
(Real BF2 Men of Genius)
Today we salute you, Mr. Decider of All That Is Gay
(Mr. Decider of All That Is Gay)
Thanks to your special ability to detect limp wrists and loose sphincters, we no longer have to guess if being pounded in the ass is straight or gay, because you will let us know.
(What do you mean that's not hetero?!)
Your finely-tuned "gaydar" resolves our seemingly neverending confusion over sexual preferences when you stop kissing your boyfriend, stand up with conviction, and shout out "That was gay!"
(Getting a strong hit off the ol' gaydar!)
Anything you say? Not gay. Anything anyone else says? Gayer than a rainbow bag full of penises and butterflies.
(That's pretty gay!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, o' Finger-pointer of Faggotry. Because if it tastes even slightly like a penis, we know you'll be right there to announce it.
(Mr. Decider of All That Is Gay)
Click here for a page with MP3's of all the actual Bud Lite ads.
Bud Lite presents... Real BF2 Men of Genius
(Real BF2 Men of Genius)
Today we salute you, Mr. Jet Bomb Explosion Teamkiller.
(Mister Jet Bomb Explosion Teamkiller!)
Before we're about to capture the enemy flag, you heroically dive in and defecate your bombs all over us, killing us in a fiery explosion that only you and the opposing team can celebrate as a victory.
(Just got twelve more kills!)
Mistaking the blue dots on the mini-map as some sort of indication as where your deadly explosions are urgently needed, you will do whatever it takes to get the kill.
(Bombs away!)
Red nametags, blue nametags... to a seasoned bomber pilot like yourself, it doesn't matter.
(Sorry, my bad!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Lite, oh Champion of the TK Punish. And remember... if you're too close to see what team they're on, it's too late to drop your ordnance.
(Mister Jet Bomb Explosion Teamkiller!)
Bud Lite presents... Real BF2 Men of Genius
(Real BF2 Men of Genius)
Today we salute you, Mr. Battlefield 2 Medic Guy
(Mr. Battlefield 2 Medic Guy)
Some men run away from the firefight when their friends hit the dirt... you charge into the fray, dodging snipers, diving down and reviving the fallen with your shock paddles.
(You make me good to go!)
Nothing says "Here, fix that gaping, bloody head wound yourself, pussy," like a well-tossed med pack under heavy enemy PKM fire.
(Can I get a medic over here?)
You're the only class in Battlefield 2 that can tea-bag your buddy, revive them, watch them get killed, and then tea-bag them again for good measure.
(Get your balls off of my face please!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, o' death-dealing doctor of the combat zone. We'll clear the way of claymores in the TV station stairwell so long as you and your life-bringing shock paddles got our back.
(Mr. Battlefield 2 Medic Guy!)
Click here for audio version!
Bud Lite presents... Real BF2 Men of Genius
(Real BF2 Men of Genius)
Today we salute you, Mr. Helicopter-Flying Commander.
(Mr. Helicopter-Flying Commander!)
We count on you for your superior leadership and direction in order to win the battle, but you're too busy uselessly flying a damned helicopter to waste time doing any of that.
(I need these supply crates to repair my chopper!)
Could we trouble you for a UAV on this enemy flag? Or how about an artillery strike to soften up the defenses before we storm the base? No, you're using all your rockets on that lone sniper off in the corner of the map.
(Got to get that lousy clay-whore!)
And just as someone shoots you down, you die in the flaming Apache wreckage, and we think we're about to finally receive our orders, you teamkill the two guys waiting for the chopper to respawn and leave us instruction-less again.
(Yes, that chopper had MY name on it!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Lite, oh Admiral of Asshattery. Because no one can do a better job commanding than someone who never lets the commander screen get in the way of his cockpit view.
(Mr. Helicopter-Flying Commander!)
Bud Lite presents... Real BF2 Men of Genius
(Real BF2 Men of Genius)
Today we salute you, Mr. Spawnraping Statwhore Guy
(Mr. Spawnraping Statwhore Guy)
While we're busy capturing flags and defending our bases, you charge across the battlefield to cut down the enemy at their uncap before they can even move.
(Stop running all around!)
Why earn points one at a time the hard way, when you can earn dozens of points simultaneously by bombing the entire enemy force to holy hell as they spawn in?
(Can't let them get to that F-35!)
Nothing says "I guess you should have held some other flags to spawn at" like a well-aimed tank round right in the cockpit of an escaping Blackhawk.
(BOOYAH, just got my Expert Armor badge!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Prince of the Pointwhores. Because we all know your precious Kill-Death Ratio is inversely proportional to the size of your sack, and you're teabagging us with a pair of Cocoa Puffs.
(Mr. Spawnraping Statwhore Guy)
Bud Lite presents... Real BF2 Men of Genius
Real BF2 Men of Genius
Today we salute you, Mr. Jihad Jeep Driver.
(Mister Jihad Jeep Driver!)
Alot of people don't understand you but you still grab that first jeep in the round and pack your precious charges on the front grill and zoom away leaving your teammates behind.
(Please give me a ride!)
Up in the distance, you see the enemy tank coming towards your base. You break out your apocalyse now music and hit the gas; full speed ahead!
(Here I come to get me some!)
With a loud, thundering clud, you ram your 4 wheel drive steed into the side of that tank only to find your vehicle didn't explode and he secondary fires you to death.
(Son of a b8&*h!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Lite, oh Scourge of the battlefield. And remember... your teammates are not serious when asking for that ride and if they get in, it is just their own da*n fault when they die with you.
(Mister Jihad Jeep Driver!)
(Some guy on the forum was being a dick so he wrote up these next two for him)
Bud Lite presents... Real BF2 Men of Genius
(Real BF2 Men of Genius)
Today we salute you, Mr. Unsolicited Forum Criticism Giver!
(Mr. Unsolicited Forum Criticism Giver)
While most people are laughing at my witty commercial parodies, you can't help but try to find a way to piss in my Cheerios, because you can't stand not getting attention.
(Why does my cereal taste like pee?!)
If someone asks for your feedback, you remain silent. If no feedback is requested, you whip out your huge e-penis and bang it against your keyboard until you type out some whiny complaint that no one asked for.
(Oh no, I got it stuck between the keys!)
Nothing says "You're always wrong, and I'm always right!" like taking pot shots from the cheap seats.
(You have been owned!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Crusader of the Internet Forums. Because if you have nothing nice to say, you'll go ahead and say it anyway.
(Mr. Unsolicited Forum Criticism Giver)
Bud Lite Presents Real BF2 Men of Genius
(Real BF2 Men of Genius)
Today we salute you, Mr. Decider of All That Is Gay
(Mr. Decider of All That Is Gay)
Thanks to your special ability to detect limp wrists and loose sphincters, we no longer have to guess if being pounded in the ass is straight or gay, because you will let us know.
(What do you mean that's not hetero?!)
Your finely-tuned "gaydar" resolves our seemingly neverending confusion over sexual preferences when you stop kissing your boyfriend, stand up with conviction, and shout out "That was gay!"
(Getting a strong hit off the ol' gaydar!)
Anything you say? Not gay. Anything anyone else says? Gayer than a rainbow bag full of penises and butterflies.
(That's pretty gay!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, o' Finger-pointer of Faggotry. Because if it tastes even slightly like a penis, we know you'll be right there to announce it.
(Mr. Decider of All That Is Gay)
Click here for a page with MP3's of all the actual Bud Lite ads.
